Sometimes a movie will inspire me, and I'll decide I need to get up and finish my novel, or my play, or maybe just the laundry laying on the floor. Whatever. Other times, a movie may be kind of stupid but at least I ate a dozen packets of mustard and made fun of something. Right? Wrong! Jake Kasden's Orange County not only robbed me of both these pleasures but left me feeling one stupider for seeing it at all.
First of all, I hate Orange County the place. Everyone in it is trying way too hard to be that jerk from Miami Vice and then assumes that everyone else in the world wants to live there with them. Seriously, you could tell them your dog has cancer and they'll lift up their Gucci shades and say, "You should move to Orange County."
Reservations aside, I drove to Orange County the place to see Orange County the movie. I figured it was appropriate and might somehow enhance the experience. Little did I know, however, that the Edwards Cinemas in Orange County the place are too rich to have mustard packets. They actually installed automated mustard machines and got rid of the little packets of pleasure I depend on for snacking and sustenance during my movie watching experience. Needless to say, I was annoyed and hungry for the entire length of the worthless movie.
Then, to make things worse, the movie was terrible: For most of his life, Shaun (Hanks) had been like every other resident of Orange County. He loved to surf and spend time with his trashbag girlfriend, Ashley (Fisk). All this changes when he finds a book buried in the sand. After reading it fifty-two times he decides he wants to go to Stanford University and study with the author of book. One problem: His application form was sent in with screwy records inside and was rejected. So with the help of his fat brother Lance (Black), who has to take weekly drug tests, he travels to the University to try and fix things.
Now, I may be mistaken but, unless you're five, urine isn't funny anymore. I don't care if you're drinking it, spilling it, or making snow cones with it. Bathroom humor is almost always a desperate reach to elicit a laugh from the lowest of the low. The director could have saved everyone a lot of trouble if he'd titled the movie "My Girlfriend is Ugly" or maybe "I, Stupid". I mean, half way through the the thing I began to wonder when someone would get hit in balls with a baseball or something. (That is usually how I know I am watching a really good movie.) Then, finally, all of my patient waiting paid-off when Shaun's counselor finally just kicks him in the sack. Pow! This was by far the best part of the movie. In fact, had this been the only scene, I would have probably really liked Orange County.
The really painful part about the whole ordeal, however, was watching a bunch of people in the movie having boatloads of fun and wishing I was with them instead of watching the stupid movie. Seriously, it was almost like the director was making fun of you for wasting your time on his waste of film.
In the end, Orange County the movie and the place is for dumb teenagers or semi-retarded adults. It's true, Colin Hanks is like Tom Hanks only shorter and uglier; but underneath it all, I think this entire movie was created because someone owed someone else's dad a huge favor. This resulted in someone giving their dogface kid a movie for his birthday, allowing Colin Hanks to cast all of his deformed friends in it. Trust me you're much better off handing your ten dollars to the lazy homeless person laying on the sidewalk than spending it on or in Orange County. I mean, at least maybe joe homeless guy will overdose.
First of all, I hate Orange County the place. Everyone in it is trying way too hard to be that jerk from Miami Vice and then assumes that everyone else in the world wants to live there with them. Seriously, you could tell them your dog has cancer and they'll lift up their Gucci shades and say, "You should move to Orange County."
Reservations aside, I drove to Orange County the place to see Orange County the movie. I figured it was appropriate and might somehow enhance the experience. Little did I know, however, that the Edwards Cinemas in Orange County the place are too rich to have mustard packets. They actually installed automated mustard machines and got rid of the little packets of pleasure I depend on for snacking and sustenance during my movie watching experience. Needless to say, I was annoyed and hungry for the entire length of the worthless movie.
Then, to make things worse, the movie was terrible: For most of his life, Shaun (Hanks) had been like every other resident of Orange County. He loved to surf and spend time with his trashbag girlfriend, Ashley (Fisk). All this changes when he finds a book buried in the sand. After reading it fifty-two times he decides he wants to go to Stanford University and study with the author of book. One problem: His application form was sent in with screwy records inside and was rejected. So with the help of his fat brother Lance (Black), who has to take weekly drug tests, he travels to the University to try and fix things.
Now, I may be mistaken but, unless you're five, urine isn't funny anymore. I don't care if you're drinking it, spilling it, or making snow cones with it. Bathroom humor is almost always a desperate reach to elicit a laugh from the lowest of the low. The director could have saved everyone a lot of trouble if he'd titled the movie "My Girlfriend is Ugly" or maybe "I, Stupid". I mean, half way through the the thing I began to wonder when someone would get hit in balls with a baseball or something. (That is usually how I know I am watching a really good movie.) Then, finally, all of my patient waiting paid-off when Shaun's counselor finally just kicks him in the sack. Pow! This was by far the best part of the movie. In fact, had this been the only scene, I would have probably really liked Orange County.
The really painful part about the whole ordeal, however, was watching a bunch of people in the movie having boatloads of fun and wishing I was with them instead of watching the stupid movie. Seriously, it was almost like the director was making fun of you for wasting your time on his waste of film.
In the end, Orange County the movie and the place is for dumb teenagers or semi-retarded adults. It's true, Colin Hanks is like Tom Hanks only shorter and uglier; but underneath it all, I think this entire movie was created because someone owed someone else's dad a huge favor. This resulted in someone giving their dogface kid a movie for his birthday, allowing Colin Hanks to cast all of his deformed friends in it. Trust me you're much better off handing your ten dollars to the lazy homeless person laying on the sidewalk than spending it on or in Orange County. I mean, at least maybe joe homeless guy will overdose.
